After-school: Time to connect and not to probe

[mc4wp_form id=”3383″]

“How was your day?”
“How was the test?”
“How much homework do you have?”

These are some of the questions we ask our kids right after they come back from school believing we are doing what we must do to be a caring parent.

What if I tell you we do this only for ourselves?

We probe and probe…
EITHER to make sure our children are “successful” in school compared to others so we feel worthy
OR to fabricate a feeling of connection within ourselves.

What children need when they come back from school is a safe haven where they can release their emotional backpack as Dr. Markham from ahaparenting.com calls it.

Therefore, I suggest to prevent yourself from asking questions and withdraw from trying to control the situation at this time.

We are entirely unaware of the predicaments they might have gone during the day. Therefore, the most effective task we have as parents is to create a space where they feel safe to communicate their feelings.

Listen. Be with them with a full-on presence. Accept them as they are. Connect to their essence. Tune into their feelings.

Cultivating acceptance and compassion in our hearts can directly influence our children as our heart has the strongest electromagnetic field in our body that can affect every living organism within the a-few-feet radius. Watch this clip from HeartMath institute to better understand this phenomenon.

Two after-school activities I suggest to my clients are:

1. A 20-second hug
2. Rose – Bud – Thorn mindfulness game

Here is how the game goes. Everyone takes a turn. Start with yourself and talk about:

ROSE: The highlight of the day. Something you really enjoyed.
BUD: An act of kindness you did to someone or someone did to you.
THORN: A mistake you made and what you learned from it and how you repaired it.

I talk about this game in my latest Facebook live video on my group Parent from Love. Please feel free to join if you have not already and invite your friends who are parents or grandparents. I go live there every Thursday around 10:15 Pacific Time. Please let me know if you want me to talk about a specific topic. Do not forget your free gift!

All my love,
Arayeh