Handling Tantrums

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“It’s ok. You don’t need to cry!”
“I told you this will happen!”
“She didn’t mean to hit you!”
“I’m so disappointed in your choices!”

These are some of the statements we tell our kids with good intentions in the midst of their meltdowns.

What if I told you that you would not need to say a word when your kids are in a tantrum or a meltdown? The reason is two-fold:

1. They cannot even process any words as their left brain is utterly shut down. You will waste your energy!
2. All they need from you is to connect to them through their right brain which means emotionally that does not require articulating many words. This kind of connection solely needs the presence of a heart that is filled with acceptance, compassion, and empathy!

In my latest Facebook live video in my group PARENT FROM LOVE, I mentioned that behavior is just a symptom and only a tip of a ginormous iceberg. Therefore, even if our toddlers hurt their playmates when their tower is knocked down or when our teenagers cuss or slam the door, we should remind ourselves that they are doing the best they could to handle their frustrations with their available faculty.

It is our job to transcend the symptom and investigate the unmet needs underlying the behavior and fulfill them instead of taking things personally, punishing, lecturing, or giving lessons.

This does not mean that all behaviors are acceptable. It just means that when our child has flipped the lid of her smart brain as I portrayed in my video, we are better off attending to the feeling rather than the behavior.

We can then find a suitable time later during the day or in a family meeting to tell them that, “All feelings are ok but not all behaviors are ok.”

In the video, I also mentioned several mantras that can help us avoid flipping our own lid. Here is a short list of my favorite mantras:

• This is not an emergency
• My child is not trying to give me a hard time; she is having a hard time
• Children need our love when they deserve it the least
• Connection before correction
• Behavior is a symptom

My greatest desire is to offer you tools and concepts where you can find meaning and joy in your personal and parenting journeys.

I hope to see you in my group. Here is the link again. Send me your questions and I will answer it in a video on a Thursday around 10:15 AM Pacific Time.

P.S. Two of my classes are coming up in Pacific Grove:

1. Ten-session Conscious Parenting class in Pacific Grove Adult School
2. Six-session The Art of Living in Joy in Center of Spiritual Awakening

The classes will be open to register in a few days.

Also, make sure to schedule your free 30-minute consultation with me if you think I can be a good fit to be your partner in your personal, relationship, and parenting journeys. Do not forget your free gift!

Love and light,

Arayeh