Boundaries and consequences

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Is conscious parenting permissive parenting? The answer is NO.

Although conscious parenting’s primary tool to gain cooperation is CONNECTION as opposed to FEAR (as in traditional and behavioristic parenting), boundaries are considered sacred in this style of parenting.

Having said this, it is essential to know that boundaries need to be actually set within us. We need to have boundaries to prevent our self-care bucket from leaking. The trick is to honor and respect our boundaries ourselves rather than expecting others to do so.

You see, our kids (or anyone else) will continually test our limits until they see we are not wishy-washy with our boundaries. Once we have clear energy about our NOs, everyone else will naturally accept their limits.

I talked about boundaries and our energy around them in my last video in my Facebook group PARENT FROM LOVE. Here are some nuggets:

Firstly, make sure you have invested enough in your children’s bank account by filling up their connectedness, competence, and autonomy buckets on a daily basis. Consider asking for cooperation as withdrawing from their accounts. You will experience power struggles and push-backs if their accounts are empty or half-full.

Secondly, have a few (up to 5) non-negotiable rules and go for a win-win for the rest.

Thirdly, discuss the rules and their related consequences in a family meeting. Here are some guidelines for the consequences. Make sure they are:

Respectful
Related (to the behavior)
Reasonable (in duration)
Revealed (in advance)
Repeated (back to you along with the rule)
10-15% of the time

The following is an example of a non-negotiable rule in our household. We all compromised to establish this arrangement in a family meeting.

Rule: Only one hour of smartphone activity from 5:30 to 6:30 (I use Apple’s Screen Time feature to reinforce this.)
Consequence (observing 5 Rs): If their phones are not in the kitchen drawer on their down-time, they will lose the phone for the next day.

My greatest desire is to offer you tools and concepts where you can find meaning and joy in your personal and parenting journeys.

I hope to see you in my group. Here is the link again. Send me your questions and I will answer it in a video on a Thursday around 10:15 AM Pacific Time.

P.S. Two of my classes are coming up in Pacific Grove:

Ten-session Conscious Parenting class in Pacific Grove Adult School
Six-session The Art of Living in Joy in Center of Spiritual Awakening

The classes will be open to register in a few days.

Also, make sure to schedule your free 30-minute consultation with me if you think I can be a good fit to be your partner in your personal, relationship, and parenting journeys. Do not forget your free gift!

Love and light,

Arayeh