What is Conscious Parenting?

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As mentioned in some of my previous blog post, my spiritual journey got revitalized because I needed to cure my reactivity with my kids. Being the only child, when my second son was born I was literally awestruck, and not in a good way. I had to learn from scratch, how to deal with sibling rivalry and my first-born’s change of behavior and her hostile demeanor. To this day, I have never been able to convince myself that it is “normal” when siblings fight as every “advising” person tried to assure me. To me, there is nothing “natural” about fighting. I asked, and read and attended workshops and visited psychotherapists and hypnotherapists, took natural and chemical supplements, fretted and fretted some more. I literally read 40 parenting books thinking conscious parenting will come with learning techniques. The books and workshops definitely helped me with managing some symptoms and get things done with sneaky consequence techniques on a temporary basis. I couldn’t have survived without them. So I’m not discouraging you to read books and attend workshops and conferences. However, the true improvement happened just recently after I got to know how things work internally in our mind and in the outer world as they are both entangled in the quantum level.

Find your limiting beliefs and reprogram your subconscious mind to serve you better.

Parenting is not about kids, it is actually about the parents. If we, as parents, are not aligned and if are unaware how mind works, we can never be effective the way we intend to. This is because our intentions planted in the conscious mind constantly get sabotaged by the counter-intentions or our limiting beliefs residing in our subconscious mind. The first thing we need to learn is that we, as human beings, operate mainly according to our subconscious programming – that are usually limiting and disempowering. Judging yourself and parental skills, blaming people or situations, feeling shame and defeat, having fear of the future, thinking your child will end up a hostile, unhappy adult if she is squabbling with a sibling are not only serving you well, but they are the true and only cause of your undesirable experiences with your children. These are all merely limiting beliefs, and if you scrutinize them, you will see that none of these are actually facts; they are solely one-sided egoistic points of view. Recognize them, clear them and replace them with new factual concepts that help you grow. Although scientists believe %95 of our beliefs and habits have been seeded before the age of six, it is not wise to blame our parents and their respective belief system. Our parents did what they believed was the best at the time. They, too, were the subjects of their own programming. Therefore, the solution is not wearing a victimhood hat and feeling helpless or starting to blame and condemn. Don’t try to kill the messenger, change the message.

You are programming your child’s subconscious mind. Feel responsible.

As awesome Dr. Bruce Lipton, the cell biologist states, most of our program has been planted in our subconscious mind before we turned six years old. These programs take on 95% of our lives on a subconscious or automatic level. The conscious brain is not active until after six so any message parents and the environment send to kids, gets programmed as unbending rules in their brain. In this period, since the mind operates in a hypnotic state, whatever the child hears, directly gets downloaded to the subconscious part of the brain. As we grow older, we do not operate from the 5% intention-based part of the brain, rather than the %95 from the downloaded program that have been subconsciously ingrained in our belief system. These limiting beliefs are so clingy and strong that come forward as facts. If the program is limiting, our subconscious mind behaves as limiting to prove its identity. Even If our conscious mind has the intention to reach a goal, our 95% subconscious belief is pulling us the opposite direction. Lift up the anchor if you want to row ahead.

You can master your genes, you are not the victim.

I believed that my paternal genes were too resilient of an opponent for me to defeat. This limiting belief sabotaged all the anger management techniques and other conventional remedies to curb my reactivity. I, then learned that genes do not control biology. My belief system does. I needed to stop being the victim of my genes because all they are is the blueprint. They have no power by themselves. They are dormant until they are activated by a stimulant such as my victimizing belief. If you are born into a family with a history of heart attack or diabetes, you are programmed to subconsciously believe you are also prone to these hereditary diseases. And the belief makes it so. I had overcome the first obstacle. I freed myself from the sabotaging belief and now my subconscious mind was more malleable to reprogram. I consciously started reprogramming my neural pathways. I trained my brain to separate myself from recurring emotions. To dis-identify my true self from the feeling. This separation gave me a chance to consciously make a wise decision in the heat of the moment, and not give in to my egoistic reaction. I increased the grace period to give me the opportunity to consciously choose my parenting technique effectively.

All you need is love.

Ultimately, know that What Is Not Love, It Is a Cry for Love. This not only acts as a preventive method, but it works wonders when it comes to conflicts. Scientists in HeartMath Institute demonstrate how the strong electromagnetic field around a loving heart can affect our environment. Fill your heart with the truest love towards your child at a moment, and observe how miraculously his or her misbehavior gets transmuted into a desirable demeanor. It’s not an easy fact to admit that although we all love our children, the moments that we truly feel love towards them are rare. We are mostly busy raising them and taking care of them. The rare moments might be the times they are falling into a slumber or when they are actually asleep! In the beginning, what helped me cultivate the true and deserving love towards my daughter was her newborn memory when she slept on my chest on the hospital bed on the first day of her life. The day that I stayed up all night looking at her in amazement and immense gratitude. This visualization shifts my emotion tremendously every time and raises my vibration to Love and Above on the Scale of Consciousness. My surrounding will consequently match my emotional vibration and everything and everyone vibrate in love and harmony.

You are the co-creator of your life. Take charge.

Since I have known these life-changing facts about human mind, I am not only consciously vigilant -most of the time- of what comes out of my mouth while conversing with my kids, but also what emotions I feel at any given moment. I am aware that any trivial comment I make will have a monumental effect on my kids’ lives and their belief system in the future. If not successful, they will end up struggling with various limiting beliefs as I have. I know that I can disarm my limiting beliefs by getting to know them and discharging the associated negative feeling. I learned by mastering my emotions, I can master my life as the Universe matches my vibrational energy. I am what I seek for. I am my thoughts. I think it’s time for a shift in the global collective consciousness. Enlightenment is not any more exclusive to wise sages from hundreds of years ago such as Rumi and Hafiz, or genius minds such as Nikola Tesla, Napoleon Hill, and phenomenal characters such as Gandhi and Mother Theresa. Thanks to the Internet, the hidden elixir is exposed, and it is virally and optimistically spreading among the residents of the earth. Although it still is packaged as a precious pearl in a safe shell in various forms, the essence of it is out in the open. If you are a seeker, you will find it. The concept is simple, practicing the concept, not as easy. It takes courage, perseverance and wisdom to take on the responsibility of co-creating our reality. The good news is that it’s never too late. We are all consciousness waiting to be revealed to ourselves.

Don’t just teach your kids; leave them a legacy.

Teach your kids that pain is mandatory, but suffering is optional.
Tell them how the essence of the world is of love and compassion.
That nothing really matters but the amount of love and gratitude a person feels towards the world within and around.
Teach them the Universe is abundant.
Tell them they can choose to be, do and have whatever their heart desires.
Encourage them to find their purpose in life.
Teach them law, but fewer rules.
Let them choose by centering and awakening to their heart.
Lead them to quiet their mind every night before sleep.
Every night, help them to co-create their next day by dropping whatever they wish in a big beautiful shining ball.
Empower them to ask for what they truly want at any given moment.
Assure them that, if what they long for resonates with love and compassion, they will certainly receive it.
Teach them the Law of Attraction, Ho’oponopono, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), deep breathing and meditation.
Dalai Lama says, “If every 8-year-old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”
Go for short ones depending on their age as they might get bored and lose interest.
Make the visualizations interesting and colorful so they look forward to nightly meditations.
When in a shower, train them to visualize they are getting cleansed from negative feelings and thoughts. And once all clear, ask them to feel they are getting showered with blessings, light, joy and love.
Remember that the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction, and it believes whatever you visualize as far as it’s mixed with emotion.
Tell them to make a pause and visit their heart before saying or doing anything.
Let them know that they are not their emotions.
Teach them emotional techniques so they can name their feelings and get familiar with them, and consequently don’t react in the heat of the moment.
Use subconscious techniques to remedy the chronic negative feelings and attitudes.
Teach them that they need to love and take care of their negative emotion like a little sister or brother. Watch the amazing Planting Seed animation.
Prove to them that the measurement stick is love and help them to see their true self that is all light and pure consciousness.
Tell them the negative emotions are like tight dark jackets that need to be taken off of their body so their true light shines freely and gracefully. Read A Story of the Ego to grasp this concept more deeply.
Give them long hugs and kiss them often. Greet them in the morning and after school with a 30-second, heart-to-heart hug.
Leave aside at least 30 unstructured, undistracted minutes every day with each child to freely listen to them and to do whatever they suggest.
Dance, sing, play, tell jokes, laugh out loud, race and play tag.
Talk to them about your personal experiences and the lessons you are learning every day.
Overflow your heart with love towards them while you are with them.
Remember that the best present is to be present.
Don’t forget that you, too, can wish and visualize the ideal behavior for your kids. Ask, and it is given.